Things I have learned the hard way:
Doorknobs: you have to turn them before they work.
Nail polish remover is capable of dissolving some scissors.
Vegetable stock, made in the crockpot, can putrefy if you let it cook longer than the recommended time. The smell will wake you up from a dead sleep.
"Container compatibility issue" means "that bottle of sodium hydroxide is going to dissolve on your desk".
If it tastes rotten, stop eating.
If you are the youngest, most junior, and only female employee in a room, don't do anything they tell you without checking with your boss first.
Never serve salad dressing out of a cow creamer. You will never get the garlic out of the hollow legs.
Apple pie, muffins, and toffee are all flammable.
If your date ever says "I don't know how I'm going to explain [you being here] to my roommates", leave. Leave right then.
When you're somewhere unfamiliar, double check that the icon on the bathroom door has a skirt.
When it doubt, don't mix that chemical with bleach.
If you mix that chemical with bleach anyway, do it in the fresh air.
Just because you splash things in lab into your mouth all the time doesn't mean that anyone else does. Stop mentioning it out loud.
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